Time to Live

I can remember always telling myself that everything would be ok, once I was out of the house. Well, the day came when I did leave. I was on my way to college, beginning a new chapter in my life...hoping for a new beginning. It was not long that I realized that my baggage was still with me, that leaving home had not solved all of my problems. The pain was still there, the fear was still paralyzing, and the journey ahead was merely beginning. I was like an unfinished art project, the future could be promising, but only if I completed the work. I had to fix me, but where was I to start? Escape became my solution for many years....running from everything....Drinking became a hobby, then a mission. It was a way to not feel the pain of not knowing how to live. It would prove to work for many years, but with every sobering up, the realization that everything was still present, still painful, and a permanent obstacle in my path. I drank until I could not drink anymore...And out of a most profound act from a higher power, I landed myself in a AA program. AA saved my life at that time, gave me a chance to try to let others help, a chance to learn how to heal myself, a chance to trust in something higher than myself. I spent almost 10 years trying to stay sober...battling the demons that lived inside of me. For me, it was the 2 voices of good and evil..my own voices of live or die. I am a firm believer in the AA 12 step program, but for me I needed more. It took me years to realize that I drank because I wanted to...not because I had to...I had to learn to love myself enough to let myself live. AA allowed me the beginnings of this very task, and paved the way for a life time journey of my healing.